Eu falei aqui, alguns meses atrás, das resenhas destrutivas na Amazon a respeito do jogo Spore. Pois esses dias, com muito atraso, descobri as sensacionais resenhas da Bic Cristal na Amazon britânica. São simplesmente sensacionais. Tem um cara que reclama que uma caneta Bic furou seu olho. Outra é de um “sequestrador” que afirma que resolveu, por conta dos métodos de identificação via teste de DNA, parar de mandar cartas escritas com sangue para pedir resgate.
“Being a career criminal, extortionist, and blackmailer, i take great pride in the threatening letters I dispatch to my victims and their immediate family. For years I have used my own blood, because it’s always handy. Recently however, advances in DNA profiling have meant that I’ve had to consider other mediums as an alternative writing material.”
Uma mais brilhante e espirituosa do que a outra.
Aí, basta puxar o fio e vão surgindo as resenhas como esta da… Bíblia:
“This book doesn’t work. I’ve tried the “praying” method to get a new Porsche 996 delivered but to no avail. There’s nothing in the instructions about not wanting German sports cars but I tried praying for less ambitious things. I gave up when it didn’t even get me a Big Mac. In the early part there’s a bit about people crossing the desert and being sustained by manna from heaven, so you’d think that it would be able to manage at least a hamburger. “
“With Tuscan, you feel the love of every dairyperson involved — from the somewhat sad and deranged farmhand shovelling steaming cowpies to the bored union milk maiden dreaming of leaving this soul crushing life behind for a job waiting tables for obnoxious American tourists in Siena. But not too fast — sip gently, slowly, or one is in danger of not only missing the subtleties of the milk’s texture and its terroir, but — if chilled too long — also of giving oneself a blinding ice cream headache. Nay, savor the goodness that only dairymen and dairywomen working at the apex of their craft can deliver. Tuscan is best drunk young — no, no, don’t cellar this gem — I guarantee you’ll be sorry if you do. I recommend pairing with freshly baked macadamia nut scones. Milk Expectorator gives this one a 92. “